I don’t particularly do well in times of transition.
I mean, I get along fine. I push forward, I problem solve. It’s who I am.
What I mean is, I don’t particularly do well in times of uncertainty. I’m a person with a plan. I like to know what my next step is, and for that matter, what my next mini-steps are and what the reaching steps are and what the jumps are.
But, alas, life doesn’t work that way.
This week is my last week at my internship. A job that I’ve loved with people I’ve really looked up to and learned from. Unlike college internships, where you know what lies after (school), post-graduate internships have a big question mark at the end.
What’s next? Do I stay in Chicago, a familiar yet still unexplored place filled with a community of known relationships and ones still forming? Or do I move somewhere completely new, with a fresh slate and jump into the complete unknown?
There’s so many questions of what to do next. Of what to do in this time of transition.
But perhaps this is what your twenties are. A time of transition. Between the naivety of your teens and the wisdom yet to come. Between the recklessness of your college years and the perceived steadiness of mid-life. It’s the first real question mark in your life, where there are a dozen paths to choose from, each very different from the rest.
It’s scary to not have a plan for what’s next. To know that there are many things out of my control.
Right now, all I can see are silhouettes of the future- of what I want to do, of who I’m becoming and of what lies in my future.
I’m on the verge of 23, and sometimes I feel as though society is telling me I need to have my life figured out. Hell, we expect 18 year-olds to know what they want to major in. I know this isn’t the case, but in times of transition, you can’t help but feel this way.
I’m reminded, though, of these amazing people who also, at 23, didn’t have life figured out.
They, too, saw their futures as silhouettes dancing just out of grasp.
So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m beginning to understand that my twenties are full of times of transition and of making sense out of silhouettes.
I’m learning to be okay with that.